Thursday, July 1, 2010

New day

To many things, exciting one happen this week. While having a colloquium, a colleague of mine suddenly grab my hands and slowly whisper to me that her water broke and she needs to be sent to the hospital instantly or the baby will come out of her vagina in the meeting room.

Not sure of being excited, or scared or maybe nauseated with the image of a lady vaginal juice oozes out and sprayed on my face, so my natural reaction was to stay calm for a while and then scream hysterically like crazy jester and makes the whole colloquium chaotic and circus like.

The good thing is we gets to have our tea break earlier.

That happen a few hours after i presented my paper and make a complete blunder which made me look stupid in front of almost 50-60 wise people, professors, doctors, expect in certain field when i suddenly goes blank while doing presentation and stood still looking at everyone like a stupid mime for almost 5 minutes just because i forgot the English word for one stupid term.

So that explain the excessive screaming on the vagina juice case because, i need everyone to remember her pathetic stories of having her vagina open, and not the case where i had my mouth shut because i am too stupid.

The only problem is she gave birth to live, while i gave birth to stupidity.

Life is never fair to me.

Anyway, yesterday also marks a new beginning for me, on my mellow yet exciting being filling spaces and time in the realm of life. Charting new adventures with unknown outcomes, planning various possibilities and finding time mollycoddling it to fit my needs so that deploying the plans would benefit me more, rather than making me hurt and break like the previous sorry little life I had.

“You plan too much, and everything happen today will make you assuming the consequences later, which might not even happen”

“Everything with you will have reaction, and all of it is bad… to you”

I was told that I am not good at accepting reality. I am to involve in everything, friendship, families, my love life and I secretly plan everything and unconsciously tell them what to do, so that the end results would follow my needs according to the blue print i have created earlier. Resistance or doing out of the norm by my standard is mutiny. Those who in subordinated shall be cast away from my live forever for being a rebel of my adventures.

I don’t care, this is my life, my adventure, my story… and I will write it my way, no matter how hurt everyone would get, I must make it happen the way I want it to be.




The only problem is. It never happens that way.




sigh



But its oke with me. I'll plan another story



p/s: looking forward for a new heartache and pain

2 comments:

Endnuwar Cecilia Edderest said...

Dear kakak.. whatever happen in our life, it has been fated by Lord. And we as the humble human being @ khalifah has to live in what we think right and in the right path.. betul tak? We, as human being has been given by Lord a good brain to think before doing anything unlike other creatures created by Lord. As long as it doesn’t commit sins, I believe Lord may bless whatever you doing kakak… Good luck!

Independent Queen said...

Fieb, you got The LOA (Law of Attraction) right at the beginning, by having, drawing your own blueprint. All u have to do is to put urself aligned with what you WANT & FEEL. And universe will respond to you accordingly. But 1st, u must trust with what you wish for. Don't hesitate or paused at all. Stay positive and all the positiveness will come back right at ya. I've been practicing LOA for nearly 2 months, alhamdulillah, it works for me. It brings me everything & life become more meaningful.