a come back. hopefully

Hopefully katanya.

Hope  and Promises. 

Aiyoo berapa kali comeback pun tak tau lah. Tapi this time around i think i am going to start blogging again, since my life was ruined by some desperate bastard. I am not being bitter, but the pain is so hard to endure i almost break down to pieces. Punya le banyak manusia dalam dunia ni, yang itu jugak ko nak kan.

Anyway, bila dah lama tak berblog ni, you dont really know where to start. Tapi sebagai seorang yang vogue dan creative lagi thinking out of the box, i am sure i can write something. Buat masa ini everything telah di block oleh image seseorang yang telah mengisi ruang minda akak selama 5 tahun. Bila dah takde, it feels so awkward.

Bila kita telah lama dengan seseorang, atau bila semakin lama kita dengan seseorang ia menjadi semakin sukar untuk melupakan segala memori atau kenangan yang pernah dilalui. It was not a perfect relationship, but relationship, as was mentioned by a friend of mind, is not about finding perfection, but to find a perfect adjustment. I guess, at the period reaching the end of our relationship, we could not find a good adjustment. Macamana nak adjust, aku dok sibuk cari cara nak adjust, dia gih sibuk adjust dengan orang lain. Macam haram ja.

But as reality kicks in, this is the thing that i have to endure right now.

But, one advice to everyone out there, no matter what is the status of your relationship or the status of your sexual preferences. If you suddenly found out that you relationship tiba tiba jadi begitu indah, tidak ada gaduh gaduh, berhati hati lah. Before you know it, you will be dumped like an idiot.

gaduh gaduh manja perlu dalam relationship. Bukan lah gaduh sampai simbah asid atau tikam tikam, atau hentak kepala dengan sterika or anything like that. Tapi gaduh sikit sikit sebab cemburu, merajuk, tak puas hati dan sebagainya. Biasa lah sorang merajuk sorang memujuk. Kalau seorang merajuk, pastu sorang lagi tak pujuk, tapi takde gaduh. Percaya lah, ada pihak ketiga yang volunteer diri nya untuk memujuk. Usually a desperate person who would do or say anything dan paling haram ja, dia tak sedar apa dia lakukan adalah sebenarnya mencaras secara terang-terangan. Akak selalu tengok ni berlaku pada orang lain, tapi akak tak pernah pulak imagine it will happen to me. Because i was blinded by my own obsession.

After 5 years having a relationship, the thing that you miss so much bukannya moment-moment cinta i lap you, you lap me. You know, just like our parents, yang dah bercinta bertahun-tahun. Some of them stop having sex altogether, but what most important is the companionship. The feeling that someone will always be around to protect you, to take good care of you. To share the burden, even a simple chores such as carrying groceries bag together, untuk pimpin tangan kita naik tangga, untuk open the door of the car, or even to share an umbrella when it rain.

Just imagine kalau kita dengan mak bapak kita, dok i lap you, you lap me depan-depan kita, tak ke muntah hijau biru laut semua keluar. Dan after a while, perkataan-perkataan bombastik, hyperbola, personafikasi personafikasi itu semua sudah tidak wujud. Dan perbuatan-perbuatan indah pun tidak penting. Yang penting dan menjadi bukti cinta adalah the togetherness. To abstains oneself of hurting their partners, and to ensure the partner that they will be safe around us. Dan bila ada peluang sekali sekala, buat lah something yang menarik, atau having intimate moment together it will makes everything worth the effort.

In my world, there is no such thing as commitment. Or at least things that bind people together in a relationship, such as marriage, or children, or rumah sepencarian, or prenuptial agreement, or anything like that. Kalau ada sah sah akak tak kisah kalau dia nak mengatal dengan lima ratus orang pun, at least boleh naik mahkamah pastu mintak nafkah untuk anak anak RM800 sebulan, tapi duit tu gih buat beli baju kurung polka dot yang tengah in sekarang. Kalau naik mahmakah jugak, maksudnya terus naik Van Jais gih mahkamah syariah yang lain pulak katanya.

The only commitment we have adalah janji. A promises that we hold to ensure that no matter what happen, we will be together, until the point we cannot be together anymore. Untuk apa, satunya some people a monogamous relationship will keep us away from going to visit to the hospital untuk rawatan penyakit STD. Or a promises that when we are in a relationship, we are actually in a way, proving our love to each other.

to have hope, and to promise.

Hope and Promises.

Anyway, this blog need a focus. I used to write about entertainment, and there are so many entertaiment blog yang lebih hebat dan baik. Some i heard, macam oh bulan dot com, beautiful nara, or macam budiey, makes thousands of ringgit each month from blogging about entertainment. (ada bayar cukai tak dek non)

I also tried to write about food and culture, and i am doing it so bad, and uninteresting because i only frequent gerai-gerai je, tak mampu nak makan kat hotel mewah bagai.

I have a lot of friends in fashion, but i myself dont like fashion, most probably, i cannot wear or afford anything glamourous. Satu sebab because takde duit, tapi sebab yang lebih utama kerana takde size. Korang pernah tengok orang nangis beli baju? Akak selalu meleleh air mata bila nak beli baju. Nampak baju cantik kat rak, rasa macam muat. Pastu minta saiz paling besar ni. Pastu bila pakai nampak macam nangka kena balut dengan suratkhabar berwarna pink. They dont have many big size clothes kaler pink. Itu nasib baik boleh sarung, Selalunya bila test baju, dia lepas kat kepala je, pastu sangkut kat perut. Tanpa disedari air mata itu meleleh membasahi pipi. Pastu terus berjanji akan diet untuk mengurangkan berat badan sebanyak 30 kg. Tapi end up, frust tak dapat baju pergi KFC makan dinner plate dengan large coleslaw sebab nak hilangkan stress. Kemudian baru gih kedai baju yang ada jual big size shirt yang design dia macam pakaian orang-orang Vietnam. Bila pakai nampak macam clown khemah bergerak dan tetap menangis dalam changing room sebab nampak diri sendiri macam mascot sukan sea. Pastu get, frustrated dan berjanji nak kuruskan badan supaya boleh beli baju di kedai yang lagi cantik, tapi lepak kat Macdonalds order big effing size of fries and double quarter pounder, dengan alasan beza single dan double adalah seringgit sahaja.

Pastu tetap menangis sambil makan burger, dan berjanji that is your last one and wil go on a diet to loose at least 30 kg.


Then on your way out to the parking lot, you saw a Baskin Robbin ice cream shop.

Fuck. You cannot have meal without dessert isnt it?