i look at cloud that way

Its 3.08 in the morning, as i was listening to Joni Mitchell rendition of Both Sides Now, streams of old memories come flashing in.

I remember when i was a kid, when labeling and being judgmental such as discrimination and racism is not an option. And hatred and despise are only focused on to people who inflict pain to us, and all those hatred will subside a few hours later and we accept that person back as he is. Its just like when the cloud moves and block the sun and moves again.

You love both the cloud and the sun. Both when the cloud got in the way, or not.

mom and dad would caned the daylight out of me over and over again, and never at that instances my love towards them diminish. And when the punishment stop and when they hold me with their warm embrace and caressed me, feeling sorry for what they have done, i feel the most love that i have ever need.

Now, as an adult, a single word uttered can inflict the most pain we could ever imagine. Something that you can simply shut one eyes or just regard as something you never heard. Something that you can let go of easily, but you just wont. And you blamed it on feelings.

I missed being a child when other feelings is not that important except for being happy.

After many decades, i still remember those good old day. Maybe with a lot of minor and some major changes, and when it get me thinking, i am amazed of how pure and clean a child's heart that time.

There is no races, gender and class.

A socialistic realm of being a child reminds me of how the older we get, the less happy we will be, despite all the surrealistic fabrication of happiness that we created. We become to engross with our own fictitious fascination we forget what's happiness is all about.

Happiness is not about doing things that makes us happy which something we can afford or able to purchase.

Happiness is just to be happy.

I miss being happy.

Rows and flows of angel hair,

and icecream castles in the air,

and feathered canyons everywhere,
I've looked at clouds that way,
but now they only block the sun.
They rain and snow on everyone.
So many things I would have done,
but clouds got in my way.

I've looked at clouds from both sides now,
from up and down, and still somehow,
it's clouds illusions I recal.
I really don't know clouds...at all.

Moons and Junes and ferris wheels, the dizzy dancing way you feel
as every fairy tale comes real; I've looked at love that way.
But now it's just another show. You leave 'em laughing when you go
and if you care, don't let them know, don't give yourself away.

I've looked at love from both sides now,
from give and take, and still somehow
it's love's illusions I recall.
I really don't know love at all.

Tears and fears and feeling proud, to say "I love you" right out loud,
dreams and schemes and circus crowds, I've looked at life that way.
But now old friends are acting strange, they shake their heads,
they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day.

I've looked at life from both sides now,
from win and lose, and still somehow
it's life's illusions I recall.
I really don't know life at all.